The Flying Car
by SuperKamiGuruFTW
Summary: A Dick Figures fanfiction. Red and Blue are stuck in a traffic jam and they both decided to talk about the flying car.


**Author's Note: Recently a story that I posted here was taken down. Its sad really. So until I can get the story back. Here's two guys talking about a car.**

In a highway we find Red and Blue stuck in Blue's car during a very bad traffic jam.

"It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to by 'The Jetsons'." Red said.

"What are you talking about?" Blue asked.

"According to that show we were suppose to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us." Red explained.

"Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development." Blue said.

"You don't think anyone anywhere is working on the flying car." Red said.

"I could care less." Blue answered.

"I gotta believe that there is somebody else out there is thinking about the flying car besides me. Someone who is not afraid to throw their hats over the wall for the good of mankind." Red said.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Blue asked.

"Throw their hats over the wall. It means committing to doing something. If more people threw their hats over the wall, we wouldn't be sitting here in this mess right now. We would be zooming over it in the flying car." Red explained.

"I see you have given this alot of thought." Blue said surprised.

"Kennedy, all right JFK himself. When he was in office, he stood before the world and promised them a man on the moon within 10 years. Thing is nobody had started working on a space program at that point. JFK had no data to back up his claims, no inside into the practicality of space travel. But you know what he had?" Red asked.

"Marilyn Monroe." Blue replied.

"The man had sac. The man had the sac to stand before the world and say 'Yo, yo get this we're going to the moon.' Imagine, if you were the kind of guy who had the sac to stand before the world and say 'Get this we'll all be in the flying car by the end of the year.'" Red explained.

"Do you know you have a one track mind." Blue said focusing on the traffic.

"...Hey, what would you be willing to trade for the flying car?" Red asked.

"What do you mean?" Blue asked confused.

"Say some German scientist comes up to you and he says 'I have invented the flying car. I'll give it to you on one condition.'" Red said.

"Well, what's the condition?" Blue asked.

"He's not going to tell you." Red replied.

"Then it's no deal." Blue answered.

"What?! The guy is offering you the flying car." Red said.

"Yeah, but there is obviously a catch." Blue said.

"Who cares what the catch is, it's the flying car. You'll have the only one in the world." Red said.

"And why is this...German scientist." Blue said.

"Ya, vol."

"Why is he offering it to me for free instead of the car companies instead?" Blue asked.

"What is this 'Murder She Wrote'? Who cares what's behind the mystery. You going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the car man." Red told him.

"Not until I know what the catch is." Blue said.

"Fine, the catch is you got to cut off a foot." Red said.

"No way." Blue answered.

"Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car? You're that selfish." Red said.

"It's my foot! How am I suppose to walk?" Blue asked.

"What walk? You'll have the flying car. Good God, you could sell the design and engineering secrets to the car companies and be a multibillionaire. After that you could buy like 50 prosthetic feet." Red explained.

"Which foot, right or left?" Blue asked.

"You're choice." Red replied.

"Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car." Blue said.

"Why your left foot?" Red asked.

"Oh, it's got an Calcaneal spur." Blue responded.

"Listen to you. A guy offers you the Fire from Olympus that is the flying car and you trade him a bum foot." Red said.

"You said I could pick." Blue said.

"So it's a deal then, your foot for the flying car. You're sure?" Red asked.

"Yes, I'm sure." Blue replied.

"You can't welch." Red told him.

"I won't welch." Blue said.

"Because the whole world is counting on you." Red said.

"Why the whole world all of a sudden?" Blue asked.

"Because the German scientist held a press conference when he made you the offer. He told the world media once the trade is made. You can do whatever you want with the flying car. Including mass marketing an affordable model for consumer purchase." Red explained.

"What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyways?" Blue asked.

"One with a lot of free time on his hands and a foot fetish." Red replied. "So are you in? You going to do the right thing here?"

"Yes." Blue said.

"So it's a deal." Red said.

"Yes." Blue said.

"Ok, so then what happens is you find out the guy is going to take your foot off with a hacksaw-"

"WHAT?" Blue said interupting him.

"And no atheistic." Red said.

"Aww, screw that!" Blue said.

"Come on it's part of the deal." Red said.

"You didn't say that before!" Blue told him.

"Well, you should of paid a lawyer to look over the contract. But come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll use a local on your stump and cauterize the wound." Red explained.

"Well why can't I have a local before he cuts it off?" Blue asked.

"Because, he is a sick degenerate that likes to inflict pain." Red replied.

"YOU SAID HE WAS A MAN OF SCIENCE!" Blue said.

"You don't think Einstein didn't like hacking guys feet off, but nobody ever said anything about it because he was one of the great thinkers of our time. But come on man. Take a hit for the team. It's a few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic." Red explained.

"Fine, as long as I get the local as soon as he is done cutting." Blue said.

"So you want the local?" Red asked.

"Who am I, The Marquis De Sade? Yes, I want the local." Blue answered.

"All right."

"Why do you say it like that for?" Blue asked.

"It's just the local he gives you, knocks you out and when your out he diddles you pennie." Red responded.

"Oh, come on!" Blue said pissed off.

"Hey man, you made the deal." Red said.

"To trade my foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and molested by some mad German scientist-"

"And his friends." Red said.

"What?"

"It's just when he is done with you he gives his friends a shot at you too." Red explained.

"Deals off." Blue said.

"What are you some kind of homophobe?" Red asked.

"No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off." Blue said.

"Need I remind you, this is for the flying car!" Red said.

"It ain't worth it." Blue said.

"See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level. Never thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and nearly 30 years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and intergender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is, not only do you ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world have no heroic figure to emulate. So the future of mankind continues on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction until all that was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial stew to which we'll most certainly return. Thanks to you and ill refusal to reach for the stars and you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life. The wimpy little scumbag who could of breached the chasm of becoming and being. But instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process." Red explained.

"ALL RIGHT! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their way with me. All for the flying car." Blue said.

"...You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car?...I thought I knew you man." Red said. Blue wanted to strangle him but he decides to pay attention to the traffic.

**Author's Note: What would you be willing to trade for the flying car? Hope you enjoyed.**


End file.
